there is nothing more important than…oh who can really begin a sentence with that? just those of us who claim to hold the keys to the universe that’s who. but…well, how do you describe a wellspring of wealth of knowledge of triumphs in prayer of highs and lows and headaches and highs and drunks and photos? how do you describe the desire to pray at the end of conversation and get uncomfortably intimate with every dear friend, and how do i describe the depths of my soul that are revived when i act upon that instinct to dig deeper, to actually do what that instinct says rather than coming up with excuses for not praying with my mother for our own well-being (under the guise of not wanting to be selfish, while really fearing a new, or a revived old, sense of intimate relationship with my mother). why would i ever want to shun her? those provoked envies, we all are guilty i hope because i know i sure fucking try. But God forgive me for any child I have suffocated…not literally, but for those men and women that I have been an excuse for…is it humility that acknowledges being a role model to at least one man, or is it pride…you be the judge…I believe in the power of the ancient scriptures, when “he who humbles himself will be exalted, yet he who exalts himself will be humbled.” so that is it…some utopian ideal of equality haunts me, drives me mad, and i may climb upwards and i may shrink myself at times, which the head chancellor says is not the equivalent of enlightenment, but there was something about driving with the orange on my mind that made me embrace being human, no matter how far from perfect…like when the girl with fake breasts struggles to do her leg lift exercise at the gym, and somehow it makes her seem more likeable because she is capable of failing still. but is my taking pleasure in her failure a sign of my own fear? of course…i am scared to death of the superhumans, those who will very soon have the computer chips implanted so that they can far surpass the organic humans. the organics will bitch about it, but many will reluctantly get the chips implanted to keep up…for more info, see cell phones, ipods, etc. Posted by Picasa

~ by jaybol on July 15, 2005.

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