Don’t think just do it right now

there is an increasingly wide gap between the destination dreamed of and the ceasing to enjoy the path…the 100 mph barrier broken as i set record time for the 1050 mile drive…wishing i had more time to stop and take a photo. i would have had more time if it weren’t for my goal. this is why goal-setting is a major roadblock to our success, unless we make the goal fun. the burdensome goal is one that i always resist except when i am a glutton for moral punishment, and allow myself to experience good-old shame. but those days are more rare. shame has been replaced by anxiety…the emphasis not on past perceived failures and the possible immediate conequence, but rather on some foggy future that may present an actual conflict…a day that inevitably comes when i or we wake up and desperately need to find out how to get back. a world of credit scores and bleeding insides, wool sunglasses that we wear because they are soft and easy, and furthermore encourage our perceived subordinates to wear…how dare he make more money??? and quietly in the background i am humbled by the man working for $6 an hour to dump my trash at the end of the day and he is just starting this job and started his first job before i determined my own waking hour. and despite my efforts to resist and place one foot out the door, i see that i chose my trap and that the trap has a name waiting in the lobby to be assigned – “affluence, your prescription is ready.” it is the epic artists vs. businessmen struggle and they both end up right in their own heads unless they feel strongly that certain individuals don’t want to be in the business very long and they were initially pretending to simply want to know how to sail. how to sprint, dine, and furthermore, how to chum, we learn so well and especially those of us who long-ago began the weekly trample trap to switch and hopefully not awake the barber or the sister. but careful there, your genes can be axed and we could turn off the television. it wouldn’t hurt you to actually converse with us instead of allowing someone to talk to you for a nickel and for you for free. it wouldn’t kill me to live without fear and to accept the outstretched palm of Christ and cut out the bullshit and chaos that i often choose over the disturbing quiet of peace. the peace itself grand, but routine peace is boring, at least that is what the devil tells me.

~ by jaybol on February 27, 2005.

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